The Dual Ages of a Mom

When I look into the mirror I see: gray hairs sprouting, a few age lines mimicking what I see on my mother, and freckles and age spots from the sun.

Yet mostly I see a child – still, at 33. I feel 18 for the most part – not a kid but just barely an adult. I see the calendar year of 2017 but it might as well still read 2002, the year I graduated from high school. These fifteen years (15!) have been a blur, though I’ve gone to college, worked, gotten married, traveled, and birthed two children of my own.

I can’t explain this dual age thing more than that I just feel like a kid still most of the time. I feel physically fit, generally, I don’t have old lady aches and pains, my parents are still the same parents I grew up with (although now both retired – what?!), and I’m more prone to being silly than stock-serious.

But I catch myself being more and more like a mom. (And of course there are those gray hairs.) I say things like, “Who’s the mom in this house? Who makes the rules?” and “Because I asked you to.” I’m pretty sure I just earned my mom card saying those things.

In other words, self, you’re not a kid anymore. You’re aย mom. Full-fledged.

But I stillย feel like a kid. I’d be happy building stuff with my kids’ blocks for an hour or so. I’ll beg off laundry to watch Sofia the First with Toddler. A trip to Toys ‘R’ Us is as much for me as it is for them.

Feeling these dual ages is so hard to reconcile. Mostly it manifests in me sometimes feeling like I’m not qualified to be a parent (obviously I am, I know). After all, how can a kid be a parent? How can I discipline my kids if I’d rather be doing cartwheels in the living room?

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Yeah – I feel like Tom Hanks in “Big” sometimes … except without the cool piano.

Does anyone else sometimes feel like this?

Maybe one day I’ll grow up and feel my age (oh gosh – I probably don’t want that day to come!). Until then … bust out the Legos, kid: it’s go time!

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8 thoughts on “The Dual Ages of a Mom

  1. OMG!! I’m the Mom/Grandma here and I feel mostly the same way. That’s why it’s just so much fun playing with the girls, I can be silly and no one judges it. As to wrinkles and grey hair, well, aren’t those cool now? You are what you feel is just true, otherwise it’s just depressing!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Class of 2002 here, too ๐Ÿ˜€

    We like playing and getting into the thick of things with the kids, too. It makes boundaries harder to set sometimes, it seems, but it feels right, and lord knows we’ll only have so long to play with them (and extend our own youth).

    Liked by 2 people

    • 2002 was a good year!!

      Yeah, sometimes playtime is really fun that way. It can be boring just watching them or half-assing playtime. I figure as long as you’re silly, flaunt it!!! ๐Ÿ™‚ We find too that things escalate quickly – the oldest gets really excited and loud and bounces around sooo much, so we just calm her down after awhile…

      Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, nearly the same here too! (minus those aforementioned greys and small wrinkles – but then again the grey started in college!) I’m actually a little scared that all of a sudden I’m going to start aging REALLY quickly! :d

      Like

  3. Hey, I graduated in 2002 as well! And, urgh, I almost slapped myself the first time I heard myself say “because I’m your mom, and I asked you to do it”. I hated it with a passion when I parents said that. I still love acting like a kid and pretending I’m not a total adult yet.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It was a good year! ๐Ÿ™‚ Yeah, it’s funny how we swore we’d never say the total Mom things our mom said .. but we all eventually say them! Sigh. I think it’s because our repertoire is limited by their predetermined phrases….
      Let’s hope we never become total adult!!

      Liked by 1 person

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