We all have dreams, right? Some want to win the lottery, some want to move to a tropical island, some want to become famous.
Me? I have much more immediate and domestic dreams. (Sure, I’d love to publish a book one day, but right now I have smaller dreams.) There are some things I’m dreaming about – things that would make my life a bit of a breeze.
I wrote recently about must-have non-baby items that I am thankful for on a daily basis. It got me thinking about what else I wish for probably 6 days out of 7. They would solve some serious headaches for us parents!
So if anyone has the means to invent anything in the list below … please do! Parents everywhere (especially me!) will thank you.
- Safe sleep tonic. Yeah … this is pretty much self-explanatory. How many times are we near to tears just because our little munchkin won’t close their (*&^%) eyes and go to sleep?! My biggest pet peeve is when Toddler yawns and says, “I’m so ti-. No, I’m not tired!” Uh-huh. How great would it be to give them an ounce of natural, side-effect-free (why not dream big while I’m dreaming?!) tonic that would put them to sleep in five minutes and wake up later in cheery spirits? That might be the best mother’s helper item ever. I can’t even imagine how blissful life would be without having to settle a fidgety toddler down for a nap again and again and again….
- Portable teleporter. You all know that moment when you just got your child to sleep after a looong struggle, but somehow you have to silently ninja your way out of their room, else all that hard work will be for naught! (Jessica at Inspire The Mom made a great clothing point about this a few days ago!) How awesome would it be to just press a button and BOOM! you’re down in the living room, ready to enjoy naptime? Really, really awesome. No-stress awesome.
- Magic yummy food sprinkles. Remember those Mrs. Dash commercials from the 90s? A few sprinkles from that bottle transformed any dull food into something perfectly delicious. Can I just have the kid version of that so my children will eat whatever’s in front of them instead of shunning otherwise great food? That yogurt just doesn’t taste right to you today, baby girl? *Sprinkle, sprinkle* Now you’ll eat it! Bonus points if those magic sprinkles can fix textural issues as well.
- Perfect stain remover. How much clothes do your kids own with poop or food stains on them? Too much, too gross. Usually I can count on my bottle of Oxy-Clean Max Force, but that stuff is harsh – nor does it work 100% of the time on food stains. I think we all need a non-stinky magic bottle of stain remover in our arsenal!
- Health diagnosis probe thingy. Because children cannot (usually) tell us what is wrong with them – or even if something is wrong at all if it’s the very beginning of a sickness. Either they can’t talk or just can articulate what’s wrong. Can I please have Dr. McCoy’s awesome diagnosis thingy?
- Baby babble translator. We could do baby sign language … but wouldn’t it be much easier – and way cooler – to have a translator to tell us exactly what baby is trying to say? It sure would save us much angst while we sweat over trying to figure out what the heck Baby is burbling about!
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Single serve champagne. Because, some days, once the kids are in bed you just need to celebrate. Also, champagne is fantastic (bias alert: it’s my favorite adult beverage), so why not? A huge bottle is too much, even for two adults to drink, and frankly I don’t want to become an alcoholic. Solution? Tiny bottles! … And then 3 days ago I discovered this does exist!!! Imagine my joy – then sadness when I saw the price tag (high for the volume). So perhaps I can dream of affordable, delicious single serve champagne. Then again, perhaps my health is in better hands if this dream doesn’t come true!
Is there anything you can add to this list?
I think all of these are awesome, except that I prefer wine to champagne, and I do buy it in the little bottles, because not becoming an alcoholic is worth the slightly increased price to me (it’s only a slight price increase with wine–not sure about champagne).
A magic guilt evaporator would be nice.
When I had a young toddler, I used to daydream about an actual padded room where I could put the kid most of the day where she could climb and jump and fall and not hurt herself.
Also, this may get me in trouble, but I used to imagine a sort of toddler box that was totally free of stimuli, both pleasant and unpleasant. Kid misbehaves, I put her in the toddler box until she stops crying, then I get her out again. I think some parents do a version of this with a playpen, but the toddler box in my dreams was better.
Along those same lines, but maybe even more troublesome, I used to daydream about a way to deliver mild negative stimuli that the toddler would not associate with me. So every time she reaches for the stove or runs in the street, she gets some sort of immediate negative consequence that does not appear to her to have come from me, so she doesn’t get mad at me for it. Even better if it’s automatic so I don’t even have to be watching–more consistent that way.
Or how about an invention that would automatically turn on when you were totally at the end of your rope, immediately delivering a non-annoying preschool TV program (think “Big Comfy Couch” or Sesame Street before Elmo took over) and a vodka tonic. And would then wash the dishes for you.
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These are genius! The padded room is pretty cool – a safe and squishy place to play!! Heck, I would even like that….. The non-sensory box is interesting; is that what a sensory room is in play places nowadays? A place to bring a kid (usually sensory-sensitive) when they get overwhelmed and overstimulated? I like the distract and calm method better, personally, but I see the merits of this idea.
I totally understand the reprimands not associated with mom! I hate being the one to say “no” and “stop” and “don’t” so often, don’t you? Sometimes I wait for my husband to discipline my daughter just to spread around the blame, lol. This invention reminds me of an invisible fence for dogs!
Love the End Of Your Rope invention, especially with dish washing. It’s like an emotion-sensing TV remote with a vodka tonic-making Keurig machine with a dishwasher. Awesome!
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To have automatic doors everywhere we go, how many doors do we have to walk backwards to push or pull out with a stroller because no one can open a door for a mother? And a device when your child 2 or older decides to have a tantrum to get into the car, I could see a metal claw coming out of the trunk grabbing them to the carseat and it buckles them instantly!! Go Go Gadget Mobile!!! A washer and dryer that moves themselves from wash to dry and then the dryer folds and matches socks for us, a mother’s dream!!!
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You’re a genius. I need that claw thing. Please invent this. Also, could it also be portable? I had to manhandle my toddler in the airport this morning that that wasn’t fun.
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Have you tried those backpack animals with a leash abiling the child to walk but you hang onto a handle so they can’t run off!
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Yeah, we have one, but we got to the airport and realized we left it hanging on the coat rack at home. This week would probably have been much easier if I had remembered to pack it!
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Maybe coming home you could ask toddler to help pull the luggage with you.
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I love these! The Everywhere-Auto-Door … yes, please!! My arms are ALWAYS full!!! The Claw … scary yet incredibly awesome! I want that so badly! Also it can grab things that are out of my reach when I have a baby/toddler in my lap (such as my coffee cup!). I ❤ the Inspector Gadget reference, btw.
The combo washer dryer… yes please! I think that may exist as a combo machine, actually, but I think it's expensive and also probably doesn't work well, else we'd all have it already, right??!
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The Automatic door thing doesn’t just help mommies but also senior citizens and wheelchairs. The claw can help load groceries and unload yeah!
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A friend of mine told me about a stain remover that is blue Dawn dish soap and hydrogen peroxide. She couldn’t remember the ratio, but you could google it. She said it got gunner grease out of her husband’s khakis.
As for inventions, I would really love a baby radar blocker. You know that radar that wakes the kid up the second you lie down for a nap? Yeah, I need that sucker blocked.
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OOH, I will need to try that. I don’t use Dawn, but I should buy a small bottle for this purpose! Thanks for the tip!!
Oh yes…. That happens SO OFTEN to me around here! She goes down, I finish my chores quickly, I just sit down to read or write, and WAIL! She’s awake already…. 😦
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I’ve had great luck with using just plain Dawn to get out stains. My husband went to school for 18 months recently and rode his bike every day, while wearing khaki pants. Chain grease is tough. It also works wonders on baby poop.
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Yes, yes, yes to single serve champagne!!! I have been accumulating bottles as Christmas presents and never get to drink them! But I would die for just one glass of bubbly! Excellent idea 🍾
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I say just open it up now!!! Day 2 champagne (in the fridge with a few folded layers of seran wrap rubber banded around the opening) is still drinkable.
Somehow I envision a six-pack of the champagne bottles, connected with those plastic things (now outlawed, I think, for environmental reasons) they used to have on cheap beer six packs ….
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How about an automatic tantrum stopper? Or a mood changer (because it’s so hard to have a good day when one of the kids wake up on the wrong foot). I would really love a health diagnosis thingy. Perhaps something kind of like those Google glasses but that tell you what’s wrong with your kid when you look at them. Great list!
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Yes!!! Like the ultimate distraction machine, right? I agree on the mood changer. Oh wait, is that just alcohol?? Haha, I’m kidding!!
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I’ll take #1 for myself, as well, so long Ambien! And #3 would be amazing. Hilarious list!
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Meant to add — I’d add “an arm extender” to that list, since reaching in the backseat for a dropped toy or to pass back food isn’t safe.
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Yeah, I think everyone had fun with this one!! 🙂
Yes, a Go Go Gadget arm would be sooo great!!!
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