How Did Your Kid Embarrass You Today?

Kids do embarrassing things – sometimes daily. It’s part of growing up, right? You don’t know what you should and shouldn’t do when you’re only a few years old. There is lot to learn about manners and social awareness, the latter I think can really start once kids develop the so-called Theory of Mind around four years old.

We’ve all seen those kids, standing next to their parents at a store, with one hand scratching their butt and the other hand with fingers busy up their nose. I bet that parent was a little mortified upon seeing where the kid’s hands were … but on the other hand, meh. He’s just a kid, and with enough reminders not to do that, the kid will stop.

Eventually.

But our kids do embarrass us, innocent or not, and more often than not it’s humorous. Let’s take it all in stride, parents, and correct the behavior at home (although of course when we’re out I do quietly tell Squish to take her finger out of her nose, and I do always prompt for “please,” “thank you,” etc.). In the meantime, let’s have a few laughs at what my kids have done recently:

Trapped in a gas cloud.  Yesterday I was dropping paperwork off at our township office, and of course I had Squish and Puff in tow. Just as I walked up to the desk and began to greet the worker, Squish let out a generous 5-second string of toots! I stopped talking and both of us stared, a bit shocked, at Squish. She seemed nonchalant – and maybe mumbled “Excuse me,” though I couldn’t quite tell. Both us adults chuckled lightly – because hey, toots are always always funny, unless it’s you letting them out in public – and continued our conversation.

However. These toots were unusually stinky. Of course…. Thanks, kid. What’s worse? The worker had to walk around the desk for something – right through the green cloud! I mean, we all have kids and we all understand, but still … no one wants to walk through a cloud of toots.

How old does a kid have to be to squeeze cheek???

Kids say the darnedest things.  Always! Miraculously, Squish hasn’t revealed anything super secret (read: mortifying) about myself or my husband yet. But she has managed to blurt out some slightly embarrassing things about me, usually at playdates with other moms present. You know, the moms with whom I try to appear cooler than I really am.

So I always totally blush when Squish says things like, “My little sister makes really stinky poops. So does my mom. I don’t, though.” (HEY, if poop didn’t stink it’d be called, I don’t know, Perfumed Waste of the Gods, right?!) Or “We were just at Target to buy diapers and hair color for my mom because she said she has a lot of grey hair.”

With kids like you, how could I not?!

And then they just make you spit out your food.  I will tell this short story only because no one who reads this blog personally knows Squish’s and Puff’s grandmas except my family, and they already heard this story. Otherwise I wouldn’t embarrass the grandma so publicly. A few months ago we were hosting dinner for one set of grandparents and an aunt. Squish was sitting next to her grandma and all of a sudden stopped eating, put her hand on her grandma’s forearm, and said with the straightest, most serious face I’ve ever seen:

“Grandma, I have to tell you something for a little minute. My other grandma has plastic teeth.”

Instantly, I spit my mouthful of food across my plate! Yes, her other grandma does have some … non-genuine teeth. No, it wasn’t particularly a secret, but I’m sure she doesn’t plan to broadcast it at dinner. But really, Squish: some things you just wait for the person herself to reveal!

So … have any golden stories you’d like to share from your kids?

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15 thoughts on “How Did Your Kid Embarrass You Today?

  1. When my son was around 5 years old he asked his great grandmother, who has dentures, why she has “jabbers” in her mouth.

    Another good one: same age, around 5, he stood up in the shopping cart at Target while we were in line at the register and very loudly announced “My mom has a vagina!”

    But the worst…. I will never, ever forget this one. He was 4, and we were in Wal-Mart. I had two arms full of items and I was wearing sweat pants. That little turkey went behind me, hooked his fingers in my sweat pant pockets, and pulled them down to my ankles!! I could have died and taken him with me. LOL

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Oh you so take the most embarrassing moment award!!! I would have issues even going back to Walmart, have to go incognito! I often wondered why they say such things, like do they need to somehow ‘get into the conversation’? Or get attention? But then one drink for me opens up my mouth all the way! Two, well, I’m not even going to go there! I don’t even know what you say when your toddler tells everyone that you have a vagina??? Slink away? I mean, you can’t stop going to Target, right?

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think they just have no filter! Well, mostly – because other times they do get a certain gleam in their eye as if to show they know EXACTLY what they’re saying. They must really want a reaction. When we’re in a store, often we don’t pay 100% attention to them (obviously, else we’d never get our shopping done!), so perhaps that’s the culprit!

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  3. I can’t think of any secrets LM has blabbed, but when he was about 3, we went to a candlelit Christmas Eve service. Everyone was standing in a circle praying with their candles when he decided to go around and blow out candles. An older lady got the giggles, which spread quickly.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Noah has decided that any time somebody sits on the toilet, they are pooping and he yells “poop!” I was at the doctor’s office and had to pee, so I took him in the handicap restroom with me (in his stroller). I even faced him toward the wall, but he twisted around and started yelling “MOMMY… POOP” over and over again. I *know* it was echoing and that the staff at the front desk heard it, loud and clear. Next time, he’s getting left outside the door.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh boy!!!! I think that is epic! I mean, epic-ly embarrassing for you … but boy, is that funny! How did you show your face there?! I would be so embarrassed.
      Actually, Puff says “poop” every time I go to pee as well … but only in our own house. 🙂

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